+ Let Them Be Little +

Don't wait to make your son a great man - make him a great boy.

~Author Unknown

There have been times in my adult life as a woman when I've wondered if I have ever really truly loved a man or been loved by one the way God intended. Then one of these little skinny, snaggle-tooth things comes and plops down beside me, wraps his arms around me, and tells me he loves me and I know that I have in fact felt a love more powerful for these little men that came from me than I possibly could ever love anything or anyone that God has given me on earth.

This morning I had to let them go. Again. As I do so often as a mother, things come up: a sleepover, a playdate, dropping one off here to run the other one there...each day I'm forced to let go of them to some degree and each day I pray God returns them safely to my arms and to their own little beds under my roof each night. Watching them close the door of my small SUV behind them and walk so assuredly towards their schools this morning I realized we were beginning a new school year, a new chapter, with new joys and sorrows included. Tyler was the hardest to let go of today I must admit. My status update on Facebook as I sat in the carline waiting to pull away from the middle school was that I'd "just watched my heart walk into junior high school." Then I heaved sobs and was consoled by my 7-year-old.

I'm happy and thankful Tyler has made it this far, he's been so strong through so much crap no sweet boy should ever have to deal with, he's just a joy to have all the time. It's bittersweet to see him at this age. So many fun things to do now and look forward to! But last night after my boys were in bed I couldn't shake a memory of Tyler (several actually) but one in particular of Tyler letting me wrap him up in his favorite blue and white blanket (which he still has tucked away under his pillow; he doesn't have to have it, but it's comforting to him) and snuggle him days and nights on end back when he was my only baby in the world and all I had to do was comfort and love him and never be apart from him. He pulled a tooth last night, about the 4th one in the last few weeks. He's taller, smarter, witty as can be, funnier than most adults I know, and was talking last night about having his 12th birthday party at a local laser tag joint and inviting the football team. No. I want to hold my 7 lb 13 oz newborn son, not think about him turning 12 and being on the verge of *gulp* PUBERTY! Please, someone, just come stab me straight into my beating heart right now!!! So as he hopped out of my car smiling and nervous about his first day in middle school I told him to have a great day and that I couldn't wait to hear all about it when he got home, I smiled and waved frantically, he looked back smiling and waved to me once more and was gone, lost in a sea of backpacks filing inside to get to their homerooms. This hurts me worse than kindergarten did by far; it's a much different feeling of starting school at 5 then knowing what they're facing in junior high. The worries and concerns and hormones are so much more powerful at 12. Hopefully I'll feel better by the time Evan begins junior high; however, Tyler will be starting high school then and that'll be a whole other freak out completely.

Evan Blake. The strongest little squirt I've ever seen. I laughed at him once we got away from Ty's school headed toward the overcrowded, ridiculous subdivision where his elementary school has been placed (although I *love* the school). He's attended this school since he began in kindergarten and even then he know most everyone in his grade because they'd all gone to Mom's Day Out at a local church together for at least 2 years! We've gone in already, met his teacher, he knows where his room is located, knows where everything else in the school is as well, but there was still anticipation when we pulled in this morning. He said, "Oh, I'm getting nervous....my teeth are shaking!" Then he giggled. He was up with the sunshine excited this morning so no doubt he's having a great day in 2nd grade. Evan is everybody's best friend and loves his teachers to pieces. No worries there; just excited to see how his day's been!

Last night I spent an hour with my boys laid out on a beach towel together at the top of my driveway looking at the stars. We were hoping for a fantastic meteor shower as forecasted but only managed to see a few really cool shooting stars, but we watched regular stars popping up one by one by one and talked about how big the universe must be, how awesome God is to have made all of that and tiny little us, and I laid between them holding their hands on each side of my body soaking it in like a sponge. We go and do a lot of neat things together but last night for that short while before bed in our pajamas in the driveway, I never want to forget if I live to be 100.

Rarely do I listen to country music but I was reminded this morning of this song as I was texting my best friend, Nadia, who has a daughter starting kindergarten today and thinking of my nephew, Jack, staring kindergarten this week...I was reflecting on my oldest nephew starting college and reading comments of so many of my high school friends on Facebook with kids ranging in ages from high school seniors to preschool. It's days like this I squeeze my little loves extra tight, tell them how much I love and treasure them, and spoil them with a special treat of some sort because these days won't last forever and my semester begins next week. But I have today. And I plan to spend it with them, enjoying them, these little men God gave me to love.