~Whadda Week~

I threw a massive pity party today. It's been coming on for a while especially this last week b/c I've been really weighed down with school work and pressure to get things done by deadlines and add to it the stress of the constant housework and meals and kids and all their stuff going on...I woke up fine but was just sluggish all day. I worked on a paper I have due in 2 weeks trying to get it going and the kids finally got out of my hair and went outside for a little while and I was on the phone w/ a friend telling him all of this and just started bawling and couldn't stop! I don't do this very often and now that it's over I feel a lot better. I worry about the future and how in the world I'm ever going to get through school and what I'm going to do w/ my kids when I start clinicals and have to be in B'ham at 7am and things like that and while deep down I know I'm doing the right thing by them in the long run it just sucks they are going to be w/o me so much and I'm going to have to get some serious help in taking care of them when school picks up even more. I hate asking for help. They're my kids and I want to take care of them and be the one that does everything but I know it's not going to be possible all of the time anymore.

What snapped me out of my crying jag today was thinking about the people I've loved and trusted that have let me down...I don't want to be that type of person to them. I know I'm a great mom to them and someday they'll understand what I've done is for them and they'll admire me for not quitting, especially when they're old enough to realize everything else that was going on in our lives while I was trying to raise them and go to school. It's so easy to quit and give up afterall. It takes a really strong and special person to hold on and push through the hard times; losers quit. I'm better than that and I deserve better and so do my boys. So despite being exhausted and dying for a vacation (I'd settle for a few days at home w/o the kids around so I could just chill out) I will keep pushin' forward. I just wish there wasn't so much homework involved. Haha!

One of my best gal pals is planning my 30th birthday bash for next month. I can't wait. It'll be just what I need at a great time! I'm really looking forward to Christmas break this year, too. I plan on having a lot of fun with my babies.

Other than being totally stressed out today (and feeling a lot better now) things are fine for all of us. Let's hope everyone can stay healthy and in school this semester! I'll update more soon!